Why I won’t be a mommy (at least for the time-being)

I enjoy mommy blogs. I feel like I can relate to the situations they describe, which is weird (maybe) because I’m not a mother, except to maybe some pets. Ok, I’m still very young (21 years old), but I’ve actually already given a lot of thought about motherhood for several years.

People usually respond odd when you say that you don’t think you’ll have children. They might even say it’s a selfish thing to do. It’s almost like a duty you have to perform, which was true in the distant past, but not anymore. We even have too many people on this Earth.

I know my partner and I aren’t the only ones, who don’t have children on purpose. It’s a very conscious choice we make and I don’t think I’m selfish about it. As for my reasons; I don’t even count that my partner and I might be both infertile. And that I won’t be able to deliver the child “naturally”.

I like children (unless they cry or scream because that physically hurts me), my partner doesn’t like children at all (don’t worry, he isn’t mean to them if he encounters them). My partner and I both had a … Bit of a crappy childhood, so to speak. I don’t want that for my child. Sadly, there are too many dangers in this world. So many things that can make you miserable for a big part of your life. I don’t want that for my child. We hope and believe in a good world and I keep striving for that. But we’ve experienced too many bad things, that we want our child to never experience. Things we can’t prevent if it would live in this world…


[Picture of a woman with a baby in her arms and next to her the text: Being a parent is a privilege not an obligation, some people need to learn the difference.]

That’s not the only reason. I want the best for my child. My partner and I are both physically disabled and have (serious) mental problems. It wouldn’t be a good situation for a child. I can’t even care for myself and I don’t want my child to be my ‘nurse’ and make food for me – instead of the normal way around. Or burden it with my fears, or suicidal periods of me and my partner. We don’t have the right support system for ourselves and definitely not one to raise a child. We don’t have money and no  certainty of a house. We don’t have a degree (yet) and can’t work.

I’m not saying you can’t raise a child if you don’t have a lot of money, or have mental issues or are physically disabled. Or that I would disagree with your decision. Absolutely not. But we personally think it wouldn’t be right for our personal situation.

I don’t think it’s a selfish choice I make, because I make this choice for my (unborn) child. I think it’s better and would be happier this way (I hope you can follow my weird thoughts). I want to protect my (unborn) child this way. And I’m not saying that it would never change. If our situation would change in a positive way, maybe then we will. But for now, we do this. And I wish people would respond a bit less harsh, if this topic comes up.

Photo source


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