Why I won’t be a mommy (at least for the time-being)

I enjoy mommy blogs. I feel like I can relate to the situations they describe, which is weird (maybe) because I’m not a mother, except to maybe some pets. Ok, I’m still very young (21 years old), but I’ve actually already given a lot of thought about motherhood for several years.

People usually respond odd when you say that you don’t think you’ll have children. They might even say it’s a selfish thing to do. It’s almost like a duty you have to perform, which was true in the distant past, but not anymore. We even have too many people on this Earth.

I know my partner and I aren’t the only ones, who don’t have children on purpose. It’s a very conscious choice we make and I don’t think I’m selfish about it. As for my reasons; I don’t even count that my partner and I might be both infertile. And that I won’t be able to deliver the child “naturally”.

I like children (unless they cry or scream because that physically hurts me), my partner doesn’t like children at all (don’t worry, he isn’t mean to them if he encounters them). My partner and I both had a … Bit of a crappy childhood, so to speak. I don’t want that for my child. Sadly, there are too many dangers in this world. So many things that can make you miserable for a big part of your life. I don’t want that for my child. We hope and believe in a good world and I keep striving for that. But we’ve experienced too many bad things, that we want our child to never experience. Things we can’t prevent if it would live in this world…

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[Picture of a woman with a baby in her arms and next to her the text: Being a parent is a privilege not an obligation, some people need to learn the difference.]

That’s not the only reason. I want the best for my child. My partner and I are both physically disabled and have (serious) mental problems. It wouldn’t be a good situation for a child. I can’t even care for myself and I don’t want my child to be my ‘nurse’ and make food for me – instead of the normal way around. Or burden it with my fears, or suicidal periods of me and my partner. We don’t have the right support system for ourselves and definitely not one to raise a child. We don’t have money and no  certainty of a house. We don’t have a degree (yet) and can’t work.

I’m not saying you can’t raise a child if you don’t have a lot of money, or have mental issues or are physically disabled. Or that I would disagree with your decision. Absolutely not. But we personally think it wouldn’t be right for our personal situation.

I don’t think it’s a selfish choice I make, because I make this choice for my (unborn) child. I think it’s better and would be happier this way (I hope you can follow my weird thoughts). I want to protect my (unborn) child this way. And I’m not saying that it would never change. If our situation would change in a positive way, maybe then we will. But for now, we do this. And I wish people would respond a bit less harsh, if this topic comes up.

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Reblog: These Shocking Photos Show The Scars You Can’t Normally See. And They’re Horrifying.

Kindness Blog

Words have meaning, and they possess the power to change the world.  They can inspire us to do amazing things, or to commit the most  horrible acts.  It’s up to everyone to understand they are responsible for wielding that awesome power.  Because words cut the deepest, and yet leave no marks, they can truly be the most devastating form of abuse.

PhotographerRichard Johnson, who has himself suffered from the worst kind of verbal abuse, created a series of photos to illustrate their incredibly harmful effect.  These images, created for theWeapon of Choice Project, are important because they remind us that the terms we throw out in moments of anger or frustration can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

CAUTION!: The photos below feature victims and strong terms of emotional, sexual and verbal abuse.

Weapon of Choice

We presented each participant in the Weapon of Choice project with a list of hurtful words, and…

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Reblog: Child Sexual Abuse / Rape Is Soul Murder

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

soul-murder

People minimize child sexual abuse all the time.

Especially those who have not endured it. They have NO opinion on it.

Some survivors minimize it too – as a way of coping. Which is understandable, but not helpful to those who deal with the full reality.

I don’t minimize, trivialise or invalidate the heinous nature of it, or the lifelong impact of it.

It is soul murder.

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Reblog: I am a survivor of child sexual abuse. Yet to many – I am not ‘good enough’ ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I can relate a lot to this.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

woman-looking-away
Child sexual abuse is an invisible wound.
It doesn’t leave outer scars.
When I was enduring child sexual abuse, no-one would have known just by looking at me.
There were no bruises, no scars.
But the wounds and pain I felt on the inside, were beyond description.
They still are.
.
The nightmares I still have, about this most heinous abuse, is something no-one will understand – unless they too have endured similar.
The terror.
The dissociation to cope.
The fear.
Never being safe – from disgusting hands upon me.
No-one to go to.
No one is safe.
.
As a child I did not understand what was happening to me, in the same way an adult will understand being sexually abused.
But, I still knew it was terribly wrong.
And I couldn’t try to stop it.
So I froze and it happened over and over and over.
.
It…

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Reblog: Stop ‘Normalising’ Paedophilia – It Makes You As Sick & Heinous As They Are ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

If I read one more article written by so called mental health professionals calling paedophilia a ‘sexual orientation – no different to being gay’…….. I think I will scream.

The LGBTIQ community should be very pissed off at having their sexual orientation compared to child sex offenders and paedophiles vile ‘needs’.

There is a HUGE difference.

The LGBTIQ community are participating in consensual sex between grown ADULTS.

Paedophiles and child sex offenders – are abusing CHILDREN and BABIES. Which is sick and heinous. And not at all normal, in any way.

And it is NOT consensual, or remotely okay.

evil

Paedophilia is evil.

It is evil at work.

It is evil in action.

Stop ‘normalising’ evil.

It makes you as

heinous as they are.

And I don’t care who disagrees with me.

Normalising sick and heinous behaviours – is also sick and heinous.

And I will call anyone out on this,……….because it is…

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My experience with orofacial (myofunctional) therapy – part 3 (conclusion)

This is part 3. You can find part 1 and part 2 here.

I have written about this topic before. You can find my two previous posts here (1) and here (2). In this little series I tried to keep a little bit of a diary/share my personal experiences along my journey with this (for me new) therapy. Now it is time for my (probably) last blogpost.

To make a long story short: I have quit this therapy early. I just could not work with this therapist. He would not respect my boundaries/physical limits, mostly regarding pain. My body is extremely high sensitive to pain and I need to be very careful with everything that I do. Because I also recover much more slowly from pain and I am more easily damaged. With this therapy I got ‘massages’ to make my jaw and neck muscles relax more. But these were extremely painful and I would be sick (flu like symptoms), having extreme neck pain and headache (and being unable to move my neck) for at least a week. This is an extreme response, so please don’t be frightened if you’re going to try this therapy. This kind of extreme response is not good for your body, the therapist even agreed to that. Every time we would make agreements on how soft his touch should be and that he had to stop if I or my companion (usually my partner a.k.a. fellow Hippo) asked him to stop or be more gentle, because it was hurting too much. But every time he would not listen to it and I have tried it multiple times with different people as my companion (and the goal was that I would be able to go alone but that went very wrong when I tried that). I have tried to talk to him and talk to his secretary and write it in an email and it would not do anything. I finally came to the point where I realised I had to listen to my body and protect my boundaries and that I had to quit. He would not accept that, but I eventually cancelled my last appointment and never made new one again. Like I said, I don’t expect you to have this same experience and I don’t want to discourage you. I will try to point out the positive and negative points I experienced with this therapy.

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[Photo of a physical therapist turning a patient’s head]

+ It is a combination of exercises, which you can do yourself as soon as you learned them, and of the therapist ‘massaging’ you. This is a positive point for me, because just doing the exercises did not work well enough, but the combination works a lot better (which I’ve experienced with other kinds of physical therapy as well).
+ You can do the exercises at home, so this will save you appointments. This might also be a negative. I, for example, find it difficult to do my exercises at home. But I am willing to go to the gym/therapist every evening. But maybe I am just a bit crazy that way.
+ It might not only help against the pain in your jaws, but it might also relieve headaches, ear pain, neck and shoulder pain and even back pain. My therapist also moved from primarily treating my jaws to primarily treating my neck after a couple sessions. Most therapists who give jaw therapy are also specialised in back and neck problems, so you don’t have to switch to yet another one, which I prefer.

– It can be quite a painful therapy, because they will put a lot of pressure on muscles that are already hurting.
– The therapist has to touch you. This was frightening for me, even though I did not take off my T-shirt and he never went inside my mouth (which might be necessary, this depends on your physical complaints). I was always chitchatting with him during therapy so that helped.
– It is normal to have extra pain or soreness and stiffness, tiredness etc. for up to 2 days after the the therapy. This is something you might have to take into consideration for when you schedule your therapy. This also depends on how the condition of your body is before the therapy, but I could not do anything for about seven days every time.

 

Personal conclusion/evaluation: I have the feeling that my neck problems have been worsened by this therapy (because he did it way too much and too hard). It does go a little bit better with my jaws, although it didn’t do anything against the grinding of my teeth have it when I sleep. I had hoped I would have slightly better results, especially because my neck problems are quite terrible now. And my anxiety has become worse, because he did not respect my boundaries and did not listen to me. I do think this can be a useful therapy and it is worth a try. But I would strongly advice you to listen carefully to your body and see if you have a match with your therapist. I have also heard more positive experiences than mine, so I hope your experience will be better. I don’t think I will try this therapy again, because it is just not made or my kind of body with chronic illnesses. Maybe I will try it again if I am able to find a female therapist, because they usually understand a bit better how much strength they actually have.
For now, I will keep wearing my splint at night and keep paying attention on relaxing my jaws during the day.

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