Hi there readers, all two of you! Maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t posted anything this week and I’m sorry I haven’t written and placed a new blogpost. I’ve been very stressed lately and can’t find the energy to write something down. I’m in my exams period (I need to pass these to graduate) which apparently puts a lot of stress on me (more than I thought it would). This also makes my PTSD come more forward and I find it difficult to see myself falling back in old (and bad) patterns and be very afraid again. It’s hard for me to do the exams, because it’s not completely adapted to my disabilities. For example, I can only concentrate and have the energy to do school work for 15 minutes in a row and about 1 hour in total. But these exams can take over 4 hours in a row to complete.
My partner and I also have some issues with the company that should give us our care, since they haven’t been giving it at all or nearly not enough for a while now (for example only one hour a week, when we both need care at least 2 hours a day so that should be at least 28 hours a week). It’s very frustrating, because we can’t just do it by ourselves. It’s not like I can suddenly use my hands like ‘a normal person’ and can draw, cook, do dishes etc. Or can walk for a long time.
People tend to forget that it’s not luxury for us and that we really need the help. They even said that they have other clients/patients who they get a lot of money for but they don’t need any help at all. And that’s how the organisation wants it to be. It’s unbelievable since we’ve been totally honest about everything and said them exactly what we need. Yet they’re surprised it’s true and that there are people who need care… Same applies to our psychological issues. We told them everything and also about my panic attacks and how they can be and what you should do. And now one of the nurses has seen it and totally freaked out and got angry because we never told her about it and it’s way more than they can handle (previously they said it was something they could easily handle and they deal with it daily. They are just looking to make some easy money here. Most of the staff who should help us/care for us don’t even know what PTSD means/is. And they’re specialized in these kind of things!). Ok, enough nagging for now. There are still positive things in my life too. We had a few sunny days and I’ve driven two horses again yesterday. I’m also busy doing hot yoga (which I adapt so I can do it), but I’ll tell you more about that some other time!
[Picture of a yellow butterfly sitting on a sunflower with a clouded but sunny sky in the background]
I do have a lot of ideas and stories for my blog though, but I keep forgetting them if I don’t write it down immediately. I have been updating my previous posts. I was inspired by the great blog Bold Blind Beauty. I’ve been reading quite some posts from people who have a visual disability and nevertheless are great bloggers and very inspiring (at least for me!). One of these blogs is Bold Blind Beauty and I’d like to thank Stephanae for writing her blog. I find your views very inspiring and I have to admit, your title really suits you and your blog!
I’ve been thinking a lot about making things accessible for everyone, for example my blog, just like I want the world to be accessible for everyone. It should be the standard and not something special. I saw at her blog that she describes the pictures she places and I thought it was a great idea. So I’ve been trying to do that now too in all my (previous) posts, although it won’t be as good as she can describe it. But now the world becomes a tiny bit more accesible for everyone. I felt so stupid I never thought of this idea myself! I was trying to find out wether you can put a little recording of your voice reading out your post, but haven’t found an option like that (do you know about something like this?).
I believe that together we can overcome all disabilities by creating solutions for the problems we experience. Even if a ‘solution’ only helps a little bit, it can really improve your quality of life (at least that’s how I’ve experienced it). I find it sad that so many people don’t seem to care about that, because money is more important or just out of ignorance (even doctors have that a lot). But thanks to the blogging community I found some more energy to keep on trying. I hope everyone haves a lovely week and I’ll try to write something despite my exams this week and the upcoming weeks. I’m simply missing it too much, even though I’m too tired.