Reblog: No, what was meant to kill you, does not always make you stronger ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

I agree with this. I actually hate the saying ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

Fullscreen capture 31052016 82246 AM

That old saying ‘what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ – is a platitude and not reality for many.

Unlike many people, I don’t put inappropriate expectations and demands on survivors of complex trauma and those with severe mental health issues, like Complex PTSD.

Empathy and compassion, is meeting someone where they are at and not shaming them for not ‘doing better’.

I see a lot of shaming attitudes out there and I can see how these can push people over the edge and can make some suicidal.

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My first award: black cat blue sea

Woop woop! I was nominated for the first time by socialworkerangela from the blog I am my own island. She was nominated for two awards and I could pick either one, so I chose this one because, obviously, there’s an animal in it 🙂

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[Drawing of the back of a black cat, sitting on a boat with a red-and-white-striped-sail, on blue waves at night (you can see the moon and stars in the darkblue sky). In it is the text: The black cat blue sea award.]

Here are Angela’s questions and the answers I came up with:

What is your motivation to blog?
I like to share information, for example about disabilities, so that others can learn from it and we all become more understanding and kind to each other. And from the responses and blogposts others write, I can learn things in return 🙂 I also like the contact with other people, but I’m not very good in my (talking) social skills 😉 I’m better in writing what I think/feel than talking and with my disabilities (such as the fatigue) it’s hard to be very social “in real life”.
Who helped make you who you are?
My partner (my fellow Hippo) helped and still is helping to bring out the good in me. Bringing out myself in me back again. So I can have my own thoughts again, truly my own and ‘dare’ to share my opinion and make my own decisions.
What do you like most about your life?
My partner (my fellow Hippo).
What do you like least about your life?
The traumatic events I had to endure.
If you could be anything in the world what would it be?
Wow, I really don’t know. I think I would be several things, because I’m interested in many different things and there are multiple ‘dreams’ I have. And I’m not so good in making decisions, so I couldn’t possibly decide on what I would want to be the most 😉
How long have you been blogging?
I started this blog (and this is my first blog) on December 1, 2015.
Do you see your blog changing in the future?
Yeah, I think it might. I’ve been wondering if I want to take it more into the ‘informative blogposts’ road, with advice. Or if I share more stuff about how it’s going with me. I do like to share information/advice that might help somebody out here on the Galactic Network, but I don’t think I want to become very unpersonal and not share my own experiences with the topic on hand.

So, the people I’d like to nominate are:
Pascalle from My life with chronic illness
Enerziek
Faith McCord from Little Lord Oscar Dandelion books
Earnestlydebra

My questions for you are:

1. How did you come up with the name of your blog or username?
2. What are your special interests, hobbies, or collections?
3. What is your favourite quote/personal motto and why?
4. What is one quirky or interesting random fact about you, that most people may not know?
5. What are you most passionate about in your life?

Of course you don’t have to participate! And if you’d like to answer different questions (or in a different language) feel free to do so 🙂

Reblog: Life lessons from aikido (Guest post)

Fit Is a Feminist Issue

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Huge aha! moment last week at aikido.

We have a brand new student who’s only been coming to classes for a couple of weeks, and at a class last week he did the warm-up and then stepped off the mat and joined me where I was sitting, watching class.

He asked me in halting English (he’s Korean) if aikido helped teach how to be calm.

Well.

Let me tell you, this has been a subject very much at the front of my mind for months – not only as I’ve been dealing with my cancer diagnosis and treatment, but also as I’ve been struggling with some huge ups and downs in my working life. And a couple of months ago, when I was going through a really rough few weeks with the latter, it was something I thought about almost every waking moment. How could I use my aikido training and practice…

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Reblog: enabling & making excuses…. is not love or compassion.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

People confuse their unhealthy enabling or making excuses for toxic people….. with love, or compassion.

It isn’t love, or compassion, to enable. Or to make excuses.

I see people online trolling, who like to suggest enabling, is okay. Often they are doing this, to provoke a reaction. Which is trolling in itself.

Like with any type of abusive person, they need to know their behaviour is not okay, people can be angry and annoyed, and they should face consequences.

If people are going to act like nasty bullies, then they should face being treated as that, and face the consequences.

These are choices, they make. They choose the behaviour, then they choose the consequences.

Enabling them, is not helping them. In fact, this cripples them and stops them facing any need to change and make healthier choices.

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Reblog: how do Survivors pee after the Pain of Female Genital Mutilation?

living in stigma

Image: Wikipedia A campaign against female genital mutilation – a road sign near Kapchorwa, Uganda.

Female genital mutilation (FGM), also known as female genital cutting and female circumcision, is the ritual removal of some or all of the external female genitalia. Country based surveys on the rates of FGM suggest that 200 million women have undergone the procedures in 27 countries in Africa, as well as in Indonesia, Iraqi Kurdistan and Yemen, with a rate of 80–98 percent within the 15–49 age group in Djibouti, Egypt, Eritrea, Guinea, Mali, Sierra Leone, Somalia and Sudan. The practice is also found elsewhere in Asia, the Middle East and among communities from these areas in other countries.

This article appeared on BBC News.com Magazine

Some 200 million women and girls across 30 countries have been affected by female genital mutilation (FGM). But how do survivors live with the pain of peeing, periods and…

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Petition: rapist caught on camera and confessed: no prosecution because he’s in the army

Today I came across this petition and really felt the need to share this with you all. It’s utterly disgusting and outrageous. By signing we can let our voice be heard. We have to stop this! Here’s the story of survivor Samantha Jackson:

“I was raped by an Army soldier while unconscious. A year later, I was shocked to learn that my rapist had videotaped the assault.

I reported the rape to the authorities. He confessed. The military told the civilian DA they would handle my case, but then declined to prosecute him. In 2014, the Army told me they would reconsider their decision not to prosecute. However, while they were supposedly reviewing my request, they allowed him to separate, so he could no longer be prosecuted.

We’ve recently learned this was not an isolated event. In July 2013, Admiral James Winnefeld testified before Congress to present data and spin the story of military commanders being tougher on crime than prosecutors. This testimony was used to quash major military criminal justice reform. However, a new AP investigation and Protect Our Defenders report have exposed that the Pentagon misled Congress with bogus data to block reforms I know are needed.

There is strong support for reform from veterans’ groups, the majority of the public, and a bipartisan majority in the Senate.

Now I, along with thousands of other survivors, am calling on President Obama to ensure all servicemembers have access to a fair, impartial system of justice.

I urge President Obama to ensure that professional military prosecutors — instead of commanders — decide whether cases are sent to trial.

Please join with us and ask President Obama to stand with survivors now, and fix this broken system before he leaves office.”

Please sign and share. You can choose to do this anonymously (they won’t show your name online) and it hardly takes a minute, but it can have a huge impact in improving the world!

Little blog update

Hi there readers, all two of you! Maybe you’ve noticed I haven’t posted anything this week and I’m sorry I haven’t written and placed a new blogpost. I’ve been very stressed lately and can’t find the energy to write something down. I’m in my exams period (I need to pass these to graduate) which apparently puts a lot of stress on me (more than I thought it would). This also makes my PTSD come more forward and I find it difficult to see myself falling back in old (and bad) patterns and be very afraid again. It’s hard for me to do the exams, because it’s not completely adapted to my disabilities. For example, I can only concentrate and have the energy to do school work for 15 minutes in a row and about 1 hour in total. But these exams can take over 4 hours in a row to complete.

My partner and I also have some issues with the company that should give us our care, since they haven’t been giving it at all or nearly not enough for a while now (for example only one hour a week, when we both need care at least 2 hours a day so that should be at least 28 hours a week). It’s very frustrating, because we can’t just do it by ourselves. It’s not like I can suddenly use my hands like ‘a normal person’ and can draw, cook, do dishes etc. Or can walk for a long time.
People tend to forget that it’s not luxury for us and that we really need the help. They even said that they have other clients/patients who they get a lot of money for but they don’t need any help at all. And that’s how the organisation wants it to be. It’s unbelievable since we’ve been totally honest about everything and said them exactly what we need. Yet they’re surprised it’s true and that there are people who need care… Same applies to our psychological issues. We told them everything and also about my panic attacks and how they can be and what you should do. And now one of the nurses has seen it and totally freaked out and got angry because we never told her about it and it’s way more than they can handle (previously they said it was something they could easily handle and they deal with it daily. They are just looking to make some easy money here. Most of the staff who should help us/care for us don’t even know what PTSD means/is. And they’re specialized in these kind of things!). Ok, enough nagging for now. There are still positive things in my life too. We had a few sunny days and I’ve driven two horses again yesterday. I’m also busy doing hot yoga (which I adapt so I can do it), but I’ll tell you more about that some other time!

butterfly-on-a-sunflower-shane-bechler
[Picture of a yellow butterfly sitting on a sunflower with a clouded but sunny sky in the background]

I do have a lot of ideas and stories for my blog though, but I keep forgetting them if I don’t write it down immediately. I have been updating my previous posts. I was inspired by the great blog Bold Blind Beauty. I’ve been reading quite some posts from people who have a visual disability and nevertheless are great bloggers and very inspiring (at least for me!). One of these blogs is Bold Blind Beauty and I’d like to thank Stephanae for writing her blog. I find your views very inspiring and I have to admit, your title really suits you and your blog!

I’ve been thinking a lot about making things accessible for everyone, for example my blog, just like I want the world to be accessible for everyone. It should be the standard and not something special. I saw at her blog that she describes the pictures she places and I thought it was a great idea. So I’ve been trying to do that now too in all my (previous) posts, although it won’t be as good as she can describe it. But now the world becomes a tiny bit more accesible for everyone. I felt so stupid I never thought of this idea myself! I was trying to find out wether you can put a little recording of your voice reading out your post, but haven’t found an option like that (do you know about something like this?).

I believe that together we can overcome all disabilities by creating solutions for the problems we experience. Even if a ‘solution’ only helps a little bit, it can really improve your quality of life (at least that’s how I’ve experienced it). I find it sad that so many people don’t seem to care about that, because money is more important or just out of ignorance (even doctors have that a lot). But thanks to the blogging community I found some more energy to keep on trying. I hope everyone haves a lovely week and I’ll try to write something despite my exams this week and the upcoming weeks. I’m simply missing it too much, even though I’m too tired.

Photo source