“Your life is so good”/”you’re so lucky”

I’m sure a lot of people who are in need of care and live in the ‘rich countries/western world’ heard phrases like “your life is so good”. When people ask you about your issues and the things you can and can’t do, they always seem to feel this need. This need to tell you how grateful you should be, because your life is so good.

It makes me feel as if they think that I’m greedy instead of “needy”. As if I don’t think about other people who have it worse than me. About other countries where they don’t have any accessibility at all. I do, constantly. I can really sympathise with others and try to help everyone. But that doesn’t mean there still needs to be a lot of improvement done here, in our countries.

I think it’s because of a miscomprehesension a lot of people have. People who never came in touch with ‘disabilities’. I think this, because I hear this a lot and see it a lot. People think that all these things that I have are luxurious. There lies the big problem. It’s luxurious for them, but a neccessity for me. Why would it be luxurious to have a wheelchair and someone pushing you? They can just walk over the street too, right? Why is it luxurious that I need someone to clean my house and cook my food? I can’t do it myself and you would like to eat something too, right? Help isn’t luxurious. Yes, it is nice to receive it. Just because it is a necessity, doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful. But still, it is a necessity for me.
I can’t live on my own. I would die if I didn’t receive care or medication or treatment etc. Or I wouldn’t be able to do anything at all, which I already have to experience often. I don’t get all the help that I need and that actually disables my life so much more than my disabilities. But people don’t want to hear about that either. That the (health) care system isn’t good, that doctors can’t help/treat you or are mean, that people just don’t have time and just don’t understand that I really can’t do it myself. They don’t have that issue, so apparently it’s just unthinkable that others can have certain issues.

I just don’t understand this urge people have. To tell people who have it less good than they have, that they have it so well. All I can think of is this: “yeah, my life is good, can you imagine how good yours is? (Since you don’t have all these issues you encounter every day and don’t need any help)”. But they don’t think about that. I’m ‘lucky’. I never understood that either. Why is someone who got in a car crash and is paralysed, but still alive ‘lucky’? Aren’t we the lucky onces, because we didn’t get in a car crash?

I don’t understand why people need to compare. I don’t need to be told how good my life is. Or how many things there are in life that I can still do (even though in an adapted way). I know that, I live like that and think about it every day. That doesn’t mean that my problems, the things I can’t do and can’t adapt (well enough) aren’t there anymore. They ‘deserve attention’ too. I totally understand the positive outlook we all need to have. But really, claiming that the other stuff doesn’t exist or is no issue at all, isn’t positive (at least for me).

Yes, we need to focus on good things. But, we also need to pay attention to the things we can’t do. So that we can look for solutions and keep in mind that we shouldn’t go over our limits (too much). Thank you for listening and I’m sorry for my rant. I just feel like these kind of things need to be out there too. Because these are true too, these are things you encounter as well.

Life ain’t easy. A life of someone with a chronic illness and/or (mental or physical) issues that invade your life, isn’t either. And I have absolutely no need to make anyone’s life even harder or diminish someone’s issues. We all matter. And:

words-of-wisdom-05

[Image with the text: Remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect.]

Photo source

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9 thoughts on ““Your life is so good”/”you’re so lucky”

  1. I had a good friend who was in a car accident and became semi-quadraplegic. I used to ask him doesn’t it frustrate you when people camplain about stupid stuff?? I mean, no one realized that it took him 2 hours just to get ready for his day. I think some people look at all the things you do have but don’t realize what you go through to get those things is not worth it. My friend has passed away since, he was only 30 when he passed. I know he had many complications after his accident that made his life difficult, but I also know so many of us learned so much about what it was like for him and the issues that came with his accident. Thank you for sharing. YOu have every right to rant!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sorry about your friend, but I completely agree. It’s not always ‘worth it’. And there are definitely not more advantages than disadvantages on being ‘disabled’ (well that’s how I experience it). Some things seem luxurious, like asking people to do stuff for you. But people forget that you HAVE TO ask people all the time, because you can’t do it yourself. Then it becomes annoying.
      Thank you for your comment and sharing your story. It’s true that when it happens around you, you can really learn from it. I don’t want people to experience it, but I would like people to learn about it. I think that is possible if we use our ability to imagine what something might be like.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Very insightful blog and so so true! I completely agree with you and I am also sorry you have experienced minimisation..Although I dont have physical disabilities, I realise how incredibly frustrating it must be to have to rely on others all the time and also be let down very often. I have worked as a carer and also have a brother with a disability, so I really empathise with the struggle you and others face in their daily lives. Thanks for sharing this! x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind comment. I’m glad it gives insight and is true, because that was the purpose I had in mind. Being a carer is incredibly tough as well. Please take good care of yourself!

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  3. Thank you for sharing a perspective we don’t often get to hear. People say very ignorant things, sometimes with the best intentions. Saying you’re lucky seems to be pretty witless, but I’ve read stuff I shouldn’t say about grief – and remember that I have said. It helps to hear how these things sound on the receiving end. And it’s good for you to speak your mind! Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind response. It’s not said often, but I do hope I don’t offend anyone with it. It might be a bit harsh. Yes, a lot of people have good intentions, even though it might come over as if they have bad ones. But I think it’s definitely something to think about. Although it’s probably impossible to ‘predict’ how everyone would receive something.
      We’ve all said and done stupid things, but trying to prevent them in the future counts more (for me at least). So I hope you don’t feel guilt or shame, but even stronger to try out the things you read.

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      1. Absolutely – it’s so helpful to know how people ‘hear’ things. In my case it was a post about what not to say to people with cancer. This person didn’t appreciate hearing about someone else who overcame it – which was what I would have thought to be uplifting. But instead, it was received as taking away from the focus on their issue. I wouldn’t have known that without the feedback – thinking what I was sharing would be an encouragement. We just have to keep listening to one another and sharing our feelings openly. That’s the best any of us can do! Much love, and thank you for sharing your feelings!

        Liked by 1 person

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