I’m sure a lot of people who are in need of care and live in the ‘rich countries/western world’ heard phrases like “your life is so good”. When people ask you about your issues and the things you can and can’t do, they always seem to feel this need. This need to tell you how grateful you should be, because your life is so good.
It makes me feel as if they think that I’m greedy instead of “needy”. As if I don’t think about other people who have it worse than me. About other countries where they don’t have any accessibility at all. I do, constantly. I can really sympathise with others and try to help everyone. But that doesn’t mean there still needs to be a lot of improvement done here, in our countries.
I think it’s because of a miscomprehesension a lot of people have. People who never came in touch with ‘disabilities’. I think this, because I hear this a lot and see it a lot. People think that all these things that I have are luxurious. There lies the big problem. It’s luxurious for them, but a neccessity for me. Why would it be luxurious to have a wheelchair and someone pushing you? They can just walk over the street too, right? Why is it luxurious that I need someone to clean my house and cook my food? I can’t do it myself and you would like to eat something too, right? Help isn’t luxurious. Yes, it is nice to receive it. Just because it is a necessity, doesn’t mean that I’m not grateful. But still, it is a necessity for me.
I can’t live on my own. I would die if I didn’t receive care or medication or treatment etc. Or I wouldn’t be able to do anything at all, which I already have to experience often. I don’t get all the help that I need and that actually disables my life so much more than my disabilities. But people don’t want to hear about that either. That the (health) care system isn’t good, that doctors can’t help/treat you or are mean, that people just don’t have time and just don’t understand that I really can’t do it myself. They don’t have that issue, so apparently it’s just unthinkable that others can have certain issues.
I just don’t understand this urge people have. To tell people who have it less good than they have, that they have it so well. All I can think of is this: “yeah, my life is good, can you imagine how good yours is? (Since you don’t have all these issues you encounter every day and don’t need any help)”. But they don’t think about that. I’m ‘lucky’. I never understood that either. Why is someone who got in a car crash and is paralysed, but still alive ‘lucky’? Aren’t we the lucky onces, because we didn’t get in a car crash?
I don’t understand why people need to compare. I don’t need to be told how good my life is. Or how many things there are in life that I can still do (even though in an adapted way). I know that, I live like that and think about it every day. That doesn’t mean that my problems, the things I can’t do and can’t adapt (well enough) aren’t there anymore. They ‘deserve attention’ too. I totally understand the positive outlook we all need to have. But really, claiming that the other stuff doesn’t exist or is no issue at all, isn’t positive (at least for me).
Yes, we need to focus on good things. But, we also need to pay attention to the things we can’t do. So that we can look for solutions and keep in mind that we shouldn’t go over our limits (too much). Thank you for listening and I’m sorry for my rant. I just feel like these kind of things need to be out there too. Because these are true too, these are things you encounter as well.
Life ain’t easy. A life of someone with a chronic illness and/or (mental or physical) issues that invade your life, isn’t either. And I have absolutely no need to make anyone’s life even harder or diminish someone’s issues. We all matter. And:
[Image with the text: Remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect.]