Stubborness is a trait which (I think) is often described or associated negatively. But is stubborness really a negative trait? Do you always have to change stubborness? And does that mean that you always have to do what another person says/wants?
First of all, what is stubborness really? A dictionary gave me the description ‘not wanting or willing to let go of your opinion quickly’. How many times do you hear that you’re stubborn and at which situations? Often, other people will describe you as stubborn, if you don’t want to do what they say (you don’t want to listen to them). Although this doesn’t have to mean that you didn’t take their opinion into consideration! People often feel like you didn’t, if you disagree. This is most likely negative for them. BUT this doesn’t have to be negative for you. Not everyone wants the thing that is best for YOU, other people aren’t always right (just like us). Being ‘stubborn’ can help you with outlining your borders and sticking to them (whether they are physical or mental) and can help preventing going over the line, with possible negative consequences. So I’m glad that I have some stubborness in me.
[Image with the text: I’m not stubborn, I’m right.]
Of course, it depends on the situation whether your stubborness is ‘bad’ or ‘good’. This is personal as well, as some people tend to say no right away, even though it might be good or fun for them. Some other people tend to go along all the time, even though it really isn’t good for them. In my case, I can really see that I could use some more stubborness in a lot of cases. With some assertivity to bring it nicely and stick to what’s best for me 😉
But I also know that when I’m ‘angry’, I can become really rigid. And this can lead to a disadvantage for me, because my goal gets totally out of my sight and all I want is to get the person out of here. Then I might turn down things that could have made the situation less worse/awful for me. But I notice it and I’m working on it.
I think there’s a balance in it. You can’t be stubborn all the time, but you also can’t be not-stubborn all the time. I also think the optimum of this balance is personal. I, for example, can do a lot less (in general) physically. So, things that other people think of as ‘normal’ and ‘easy’ can be hard or impossible for me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to, but people often do perceive it that way. And they often describe me as stubborn, because I keep saying I can’t cut my own fruit (they forget that this is really because of physical issues). Personal note: I do am working all the time on improving myself, so I can hopefully do more or feel better while doing the same. I know that I’m not the kind of person who just won’t do it, without trying or have tried it. Or who won’t do it without thinking about it carefully and trying to find solutions so you can still do it in some way.
What I want to say with this post is that a negative trait, doesn’t have to be all that negative as it is perceived in general. It’s possible we in general, call someone stubborn too quickly nowadays. And as always: it’s not good when you over-do one thing or the other. It depends on how you use it, on the situation and on you as a person, whether it can be helpful or need to be ‘watched out for’.
I dare you to be ‘stubborn’ this week/month, for example when you really feel that your body or mind needs some rest and not even more appointments. Good luck 🙂
[Image with a drawn smiling woman with a hat and an iPhone in her hand, with the te following text next to her: Yes I’m stubborn, strong willed and can be pain in the rear sometimes! But I have a heart of GOLD!]
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