Why I’m proud to be stubborn (most of the time)

Stubborness is a trait which (I think) is often described or associated negatively. But is stubborness really a negative trait? Do you always have to change stubborness? And does that mean that you always have to do what another person says/wants?

First of all, what is stubborness really? A dictionary gave me the description ‘not wanting or willing to let go of your opinion quickly’. How many times do you hear that you’re stubborn and at which situations? Often, other people will describe you as stubborn, if you don’t want to do what they say (you don’t want to listen to them). Although this doesn’t have to mean that you didn’t take their opinion into consideration! People often feel like you didn’t, if you disagree. This is most likely negative for them. BUT this doesn’t have to be negative for you. Not everyone wants the thing that is best for YOU, other people aren’t always right (just like us). Being ‘stubborn’ can help you with outlining your borders and sticking to them (whether they are physical or mental) and can help preventing going over the line, with possible negative consequences. So I’m glad that I have some stubborness in me.

i-m-not-stubborn-i-m-right
[Image with the text: I’m not stubborn, I’m right.]

Of course, it depends on the situation whether your stubborness is ‘bad’ or ‘good’. This is personal as well, as some people tend to say no right away, even though it might be good or fun for them. Some other people tend to go along all the time, even though it really isn’t good for them. In my case, I can really see that I could use some more stubborness in a lot of cases. With some assertivity to bring it nicely and stick to what’s best for me 😉

But I also know that when I’m ‘angry’, I can become really rigid. And this can lead to a disadvantage for me, because my goal gets totally out of my sight and all I want is to get the person out of here. Then I might turn down things that could have made the situation less worse/awful for me. But I notice it and I’m working on it.

I think there’s a balance in it. You can’t be stubborn all the time, but you also can’t be not-stubborn all the time. I also think the optimum of this balance is personal. I, for example, can do a lot less (in general) physically. So, things that other people think of as ‘normal’ and ‘easy’ can be hard or impossible for me. This doesn’t mean that I don’t want to, but people often do perceive it that way. And they often describe me as stubborn, because I keep saying I can’t cut my own fruit (they forget that this is really because of physical issues). Personal note: I do am working all the time on improving myself, so I can hopefully do more or feel better while doing the same. I know that I’m not the kind of person who just won’t do it, without trying or have tried it. Or who won’t do it without thinking about it carefully and trying to find solutions so you can still do it in some way.

What I want to say with this post is that a negative trait, doesn’t have to be all that negative as it is perceived in general. It’s possible we in general, call someone stubborn too quickly nowadays. And as always: it’s not good when you over-do one thing or the other. It depends on how you use it, on the situation and on you as a person, whether it can be helpful or need to be ‘watched out for’.

I dare you to be ‘stubborn’ this week/month, for example when you really feel that your body or mind needs some rest and not even more appointments. Good luck 🙂

stubborn_somecard

[Image with a drawn smiling woman with a hat and an iPhone in her hand, with the te following text next to her: Yes I’m stubborn, strong willed and can be pain in the rear sometimes! But I have a heart of GOLD!]

Photo source 1

Photo source 2

 

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “Why I’m proud to be stubborn (most of the time)

    1. Yes, some people do. Either they’re ignorant and don’t understand how someone couldn’t do such a simple thing (although some people seem to not want to understand either). Or they just don’t want to help me, even though it usually doesn’t take long for others. I do always explain, but if you have to keep ‘explaining’ which is more like defending yourself or a debate then someday you’ll stop trying it with that person. Especially ‘professionals’ are good at that, I used to live at a special home with nurses. They would never help me. They didn’t care (I wasn’t a priority, nor was if I could eat something that day), they didn’t understand (like I mentioned before), were too busy (they would put one nurse on like 10-20 patients who need 24 hour care), or were just plain lazy. I also find it very difficult to ask for help, mostly because of negative responses but also because you just want to be independent. But I try to ignore those people and avoid them. That’s better for me. I need help and I can accept that a lot more than the professional care-givers. I keep trying to do it myself though, but that only makes the pain and disability worse. So I should try it myself a little less and I just keep training so maybe one day I can cut something small 🙂 Luckily, my partner and my mother (if I’m around them) do want to help me with the fruit, so I can still eat some 🙂 And of course I try to eat fruit that doesn’t need cutting or peeling, because I don’t want to bother everyone all the time.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’ve been thinking long and hard over the last couple of days about how to respond to your ‘comment’ above. I just don’t know what to say, still. I’ve re-read your ‘about’ page, and I’m totally blown away by how good your English is!! I’m guessing you live in the Netherlands? I went there once a long time ago, very nice country. You speak French and German as well as Dutch. You’re amazing!
        Anyway, back to the point. I just want to reach through the screen and give you a hug. I have a 19 year old daughter, and I would hate to see her as upset as you obviously were when you were writing your post.
        I am really, really glad your mother and your partner are happy to help you when you ask. I just hope that the person who was unhelpful to you is someone you don’t have to see very often. Thinking of you Miss Hippo, love Judith x.

        Like

      2. Aww thank you 🙂
        I’m sorry for my rant earlier, but sometimes you need to point out the negative aspects too, you can’t just ignore them. That only makes people, well at least me, unhappy if I keep cropping it up. Although when I do it, I’d like to ‘end it’ with thinking of things that are going better or great.

        I’m very grateful for especially my boyfriend/partner, since he didn’t only help my parents accept having a ‘disabled’ daughter more, but also helped me in many more ways, including with my PTSD and getting out of the hands of abusive people. And he never has these moments that he forgets something I can’t do or have difficulty with and never says something silly. While he has a lot of issues too 😦 Incredible support I’ve never received before, but I’ll write more about that on my blog. It’s quite complicated for people who haven’t seen everything themselves. For now, I’m just trying my very best to support him as well as he can too, or at least as well as possible at the moment.

        But yes, I’m also very happy the relationship with my parents improved drastically, more than I ever hoped for. I focus on the present and have hopes for the future with them 🙂 My dad for example picks me up for the weekends and brings me back, without that I couldn’t come over. It all seems so normal for a lot of people to have a nice family or lots of mobility and independance, but that sadly isn’t true for a lot of people. I don’t take it for granted and try to think and feel grateful about the good things every day.

        Man, I just can’t write a short comment now can I? Too much wonderful things I’d like to share. Once again I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you feel bad or bother anyone with it. For me it’s usually just ‘stating the facts’, although I can’t say it never hurts to think about it.

        I hope you receive the support and help you need too. We just have to keep ‘fighting’ for that, for ourselves, for our bodies and health. And I hope your daughter is doing great. Nobody should have negative things in their life, sadly we can’t completely avoid that.

        Like

  1. If being stubborn means sticking up for what you need and believe, I think we could all do with being a little more stubborn sometimes 🙂 But you’re right, there’s a balance, and it depends on the situation. You are so self-aware, and you obviously think about how your behavior effects others. So use your stubborn-ness to make sure people give you the same gift of attention. 🙂 I really understand what you say in your comment above, that it’s really hard to ask for help. Especially because you have experienced negative responses when you’ve asked for help. But just because they react that way doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to stick up for yourself. Glad you have some people in your life that help and support you 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for your nice and thoughtful comment. I think you’re right about everything and that’s also why I sort of ‘challenge’ the word stubborness. Is it fair to call it being stubborn if you’re really doing what’s best for you and other people don’t understand? And aren’t those other people stubborn (too)? However, in relationships that aren’t equal, such as with professional – client/patient, I never hear them admit that they didn’t understand or were wrong or were upset or were being stubborn etc. Although I know it’s really hard and I know I can’t always do that too, or maybe not immediately but then I start about it afterwards. I just don’t think being wrong is something we have to be so ashamed of. I also think admitting it, is stronger than denying it and while denying your behaviour can get worse with bad or worse outcomes. And sometimes you know you’re saying these stupid things, which you just do to defend your opinion/statement etc. Do you know what I mean? I can’t think of an example right now.
      Thank you for the compliment 🙂 I don’t hear that often. I try my very best to be self-aware and think about how it could feel or be for others (although that is also something we should be careful about. We shouldn’t fill everything in for others or judge ourselves too hard). I think it makes life easier and better for yourself and for others.

      I agree, I should just stick up for myself. And I’m happy that I can say that I’m working on it (and not just thinking a lot about doing it) and I already notice some (very) small improvements (finally, lol). Then again, you also see more situations where you ‘failed’ because you pay more attention. I shouldn’t think of it as failing though. We people are stars in making life so much harder for ourselves and for others. If possible, I try to still ‘fix’ it afterwards, so I hopefully don’t get overburdened or ‘forced’ to do things I don’t really want or aren’t good for me.

      Support is so important. Blogging and talking with people online gives me a lot of support too 🙂 but you also need some in your close circles and at different places (school/work, family, etc.). It can be incredibly hard to find though, which is really sad. I just try not to think about those times in which I had no support at all and try to focus on the positive things. Meeting my partner changed a lot in very positive ways. Together we’re much stronger and we can explain why we need help better 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Great thoughts! I agree with you that “I just don’t think being wrong is something we have to be ashamed of.” I find myself feeling ashamed about being “wrong” ALL the time. Like every day! Haha. When really, it shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of. The first step is to be open and honest about whatever the issue is. If people aren’t receptive, it’s tough, but we still need to congratulate ourselves for the courage to be honest! And hopefully there will be people who are receptive. It’s hard to find those people, but it sounds like you’ve found a few 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Indeed. I don’t think there are people who can always respond well to everything, to difficult topics for them personally. Or they are just surpressing their emotions/feelings, hiding it from you, which isn’t always good either. It can give me the feeling that they’re lying to you, being fake to you and what will they say behing your back?? But back to the topic xD At least you can indeed be proud of your courage and that you did the right thing, or tried to say it in a good manner. It doesn’t have to be your ‘fault’ someone didn’t respond well. And someone saying something harsh and doing or saying things ‘wrong’ doesn’t mean you should do that either, but that can be very challenging.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. If I wasn’t stubborn I’d be dead. My stubborn way of thinking keeps me going. Makes me keep fighting. Makes me prove my doctors wrong. Here’s to being stubborn and proud of it.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s