I often encounter bloggers who are excusing themselves for writing more negatively lately, or not being active a lot, because they aren’t feeling well. This makes me sad. Of course because I wish it’s going well, but also that there still is this pressure on people to be or act positive. Mainly, because a lot of people turn your back on you if you are negative, especially for a longer period of time. You can soon be regarded as a ‘whiny bitch’, but I’ve experienced that that’s almost never the case. It’s very rare to find someone who’s negative and does negative things (such as self-harm and talking about it) just for the attention. When you are not feeling well, this doesn’t come up in your mind. Usually you try to hide it, because you are embarassed and afraid, because you’ll mainly get negative attention.
I enjoy blogging here, because I find this blogging community to be fairly tolerant and nice to each other. That’s what eventually persuaded me to start blogging, seeing the nice comments on other bloggers’ posts and hardly negative ones. Sadly, in real life I see more negative reactions than positive. I wish we could break this stigma, this taboo on not feeling well (physically or mentally – since both have a taboo, mainly because chronic (physical) diseases or chronic (physical) complaints are soon regarded as mental issues, and those are often still not accepted).
[Photo of a sign with a red circle and the word whining in it (which is also crossed with a red line). Below the circle is the text: This is a no whining zone]
I think everyone in life has periods of more negativity and some people have this more than others. It’s possible that you have long periods of hardly seeing anything positive. This is hard enough as it is and the pressure of society and incomprehension will make this only worse.
I understand that some people try to avoid negative people, because they’re afraid it will drag them in it. But this doesn’t have to be the case. It depends on how that person is talking as well and you can gently talk about it with them, if you think it’s too negative or too incomprehensible. I prefer to help and support those ‘negative’ people, to imagine what they’re feeling, even if I do it just a little because otherwise it’ll affect me too much. It’s ok if you take time for yourself as well, take breaks from caring for others, need breaks because it’s a stressor for you etc. But the people you’re caring for, can also have breaks now and then. They also can have good periods too and those usually happen more often, when they are in an understanding environment.
Blogging helps a lot of people. Talking about it can be too difficult and in this way, you’re still talking about it. Sharing can help you feel better and it can enrich the other person’s life too. I hope it will be more normal to see ‘negative’ posts too. This doesn’t have to feel like ‘whiny’ posts at all. We have more freedom here on the internet, so I think it’s a good first step to break this ‘having to pretend to feel well’. Because I think that nobody actually feels better, when there are a lot of people who are or feel obligated to act like they’re doing well. There will be irritations for both sides and it often leaves a bitter aftertaste for both sides (but we can be fairly certain that it feels awful for at least the person who’s forced to pretend). You can be yourself, really. Sadly, it’s not accepted everywhere, but together we can make this happen more. If it helps you to talk or write or sing about it, do it. If it’s too much to handle for certain people they can take breaks, just like you can with ‘acting normal’. I think that an understanding, nice society that’s loosened up more, will reduce the (social) anxiety a lot of people have. Negative comments from people on ‘negative’ behaviour, because someone is honest about not feeling well, will only make it worse I think.
I also think that it makes it more realistic. To write negative things as well. Because I don’t think anyone can be 100% happy all the time, has entirely nothing to worry about. That doesn’t seem to be in a human’s nature. I don’t mean that you can’t be a positive person or can’t be happy or grateful in life. I just mean that even then, I’m certain you will encounter downs in your life as well, but maybe this takes a long time before it will happen and doesn’t happen often. If that’s the case, I’m happy for you. By helping each other and sympathizing, I think we can all be happier. There’s also something in it for the helper after all. And that’s ok too, as long as you don’t help other while having bad intentions.
I tried to find photos/pictures about negativity being allowed too or that sometimes being negative is normal. I could only find photos about positive thinking or negativity not allowed at all.