Forgiveness?

Forgiveness is something I often have mixed feelings and thoughts about. I talk about forgiveness in case something bad happened to you. Something that shouldn’t happen to anyone.
It’s often said that it’s necessary to forgive yourself and forgive that the situation happened, so that you can heal. However, I often also feel like it sounds like you’re forgiving the culprit and I often think I can’t do that or actually don’t want to forgive him/them. It makes me wonder: what is forgiveness?

forgive

[Image of someone’s hands chained to each other and letting a butterfly free. Next to it is the text: … as we forgive those who trespass against us]

I know it’s a process and sometimes I make ‘steps forward’ and sometimes ‘steps backwards’. At least, that’s how other people (such as professionals think about it). I’m not sure yet. I feel like you shouldn’t need to forgive yourself, because you should be convinced that it wasn’t your fault. Of course that’s easy to say and sometimes I can believe that and sometimes I can’t think that way. But then I don’t really understand what’s left to forgive. I can understand that it might help people to let go, by forgiving the perp, but I honestly don’t think he deserves that. He gave me a ‘life-long sentence’ and he hasn’t been punished at all (at least not that I know of).

Sometimes I also get the feeling that people say it in such a way, that it actually means more like ‘just get over it’. I don’t think that’s the right approach, but how long are you allowed to grieve or process something? How long is normal? It’s different for everybody, so I really don’t know and don’t really understand how people decide what’s normal. How they decide when it’s good for you and when it’s bad.

What do you think? How much time should you be ‘allowed’ to grieve/process things? How do you do that? Is forgiveness a part of that and how do you use that? Do you think you should always forgive a perp or does it depend on the situation? When is it a forced process and is it still meaningful then (such as demanding an excuse)?

I think I’ve forgiven a lot of things, also to be able to move on with those people or I just moved on without them. But with a few things I can’t. It’s too awful what they did and they don’t regret or see anything. It makes me confused, because sometimes I could forgive ‘it’ even though the people didn’t change or didn’t change about that part. And this way, I’m still able to move on. I think it’s normal that you think back about it sometimes. But what do you think? Is it a necessity to forgive everyone always? Or is it not up to me to decide that? I often feel like I’m not the person to judge others. I don’t believe, but I do often think it’s not up to other humans, to decide if someone should be forgiven or not or to ‘rate’ people. Can we humans really give forgiveness?

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2 thoughts on “Forgiveness?

  1. Forgiveness is a personal thing..people are always too quick to judge, especially those who haven’t experienced what you have…I believe its ok to do what feels right to you..Sometimes we can forgive, but still keep destructive people out of our life…Forgiving doesnt mean forgetting…
    As long as you grieve your loss after a traumatic experience, then that is what matters.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. There is no time scale. Everyone is totally different and that is their right. People must also decide if it’s right for them to forgive or not – no one has the right to judge what they’ve not experienced for themselves.

    For myself, I tend to say forgive but not forget. And if there’s been broken trust, sometimes that can never be mended, and in certain situations a person should always be treated as potentially dangerous and never trusted again.

    Liked by 1 person

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